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Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 12:53 am just a quick notice:
I am a mad networking genius.
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Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 02:12 pm This is like...sexism or something
My back is killing me. All the damn furniture in this building is man sized. Guess what? I'm not man-sized! I'm 5ft 4 on a good day. This giant freaking desk makes it so I have to work with my laptop on my actual lap, and then my legs get all red. It wasnt so bad when I was freezing in the winter, but its getting progressivly more unpleasant. And this stupid chair...its "ergonomic" which means its got a big freaking lump in it thats suppose to be for your lower back but hits me right mid-back so there is no way to be comfortable in it. Just like those old airplane seats. Grg. Tiny people have jobs to, office-furniture-companies. Adapt. Women in the workplace. For a while now. Lets get with the program.
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Jul. 15th, 2008 @ 09:30 am Dear Sun

I'm sorry about my misspent youth obsessed with the moon. Really. It was all those fantasy novels. 

But I'm sorry. I love you best, honestly! That whole foundation-of-the-food-chain thing you do? Thats fantastic. And the heat? You know hardly anyone appreciates that like I do.

So please, next time, dont burn up my neck and shoulders when I'm just trying to walk to get some lunch on my break. It does hurt.

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Jul. 8th, 2008 @ 10:47 am FIVE DAYS! FIVE DAYS! FIVE DAYS! FIVE DAYS!
Ok, gonna try to blog this today, because previous years have taught me that if I don’t blog giant long events quickly, I never get to them. So, giant giant rambly post under the cut. As a special incentive to anyone who might read the whole beastly thing, this post will be spellchecked. Feel free to elaborate on things, or add events or details I've forgotten. 


( rambles )
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Jun. 28th, 2008 @ 10:49 am Baby :D
Last night we went over to nicoles house, mostly so i could steal her cable and her movie collection while she and lisa were being boring and doing homework. Got a lot of pencilling done :) But but, the journal-worthy part of this is what we did just as we got there. Nicole had been told to bring us over to see the baby next door- little Levi. Hehe. We hung out for quite a while..i think i probabaly held him for like 20 minutes. Just 8 weeks old- i think the youngest baby ive had contact with since cori. His mom, Deb, said he seemed to like me. I suspect its becuause i devoted a lot of time to makeing faces at him. Then he got overhwelmed and went back to mommy for a snack and a nap. Then nicole stared at me in horrer when i told her that watching John and Kate Plus Eight dosnt make me not want a baby. It just makes me not want 8 babies. Which dosnt do much, since I never wanted eight babies. I dont even want two. They say they need a babysitter sometimes on tuesday or thursday afternoons. Guess which days I still get off work early? Hee. Baby acces. Awsome. We'll see if this makes me worse of better.
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Jun. 25th, 2008 @ 07:28 pm a sad sign of the times
Between the rainbow grocery and home, thats less than a block, i got asked for change by 3 different people. Two of them were clearly genuinly homeless. I think probabaly the 3rd one still had some kind of shelter, because she was clean, but she directly asked for enough money to buy something small at mcdonalds, and she looked a little bit desperate. I'm guessing she can afford rent and not much else.

I've walked by that corner hundreds of times. I've been asked for change mabey a dozen times in these 6 years. Never, ever have I been asked for change by more than one person in a trip.

I remember SafeHaven sitting only 1/2 full. I wonder what its like now.
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Jun. 25th, 2008 @ 03:46 pm Some good news
Lisa got 2nd place in the Misfits writing competition, in the open entry category, against stories from all over the country! Yay! She’ll be published in their annual booklet that they put out of the winners every year, which this year is the special 10-year anniversary book, with all the winners of the past 10 years! We get a free copy :)
 
Also, I don’t have cancer. This isn’t surprising to me, or any of you, but it might be surprising to the people I work with…or it would be, if I could figure out a tactful way to tell them.
 
What happened is this- several weeks ago I scheduled the appointment for Lisa mentioned in the previous post. Before that, my boss happened to walk in on my asking the insurance agency how much a biopsy would cost. Later, I told him I was taking last Friday off for a doctor’s appointment. I didn’t mention it was Lisas. Now, as you all know, last Thursday I got the crappy information concerning school and my internship. I was upset enough to need to leave work. I called Jim, my boss, but rather that go into detail, I just told him “I just got some really bad news and I have to leave now. I’ll see you on Monday, ok?” I think he even asked me if I was moving my doctor’s appointment up to today. I’m not sure what I said. Later I realized how this all probably looked to him, and had a bit of a laugh. But today, no less than 3 people have very sympathetically asked me if I was going to be in the office on such-and-such a date that they wanted to do something. So, I’m pretty sure the whole office has heard about it. I think that, as I continue to be healthy, they’ll figure out that I’m fine. All this compounded with none of them knowing why I was so desperately sick last fall. I’d correct them directly, but nobody has actually brought it up. It’s a strange situation to be in.
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Jun. 20th, 2008 @ 10:24 pm update
So, as planned, i went out last night and had an overpriced fruity beverage with booz in it. It was a white peach sangria, and it was tasty. Also in attendance were lindsay, elliot, and per. And lisa. Duh. I cant figure out if i was loppy from stress or alcohol after that, but i was definatly a bit loopy. Then lisa and i went home, and watched mulan with nicole, who decided to draw porn to try to cheer me up. I have special freinds. Man, I love mulan. We have totaly added a bunch of Disney movies to our wedding registry now. also, power tools. But I digress. After mulan ended, I started looking for a new job. Being away from classes for a year is bad enough, but being at ryder another year is so so much worse. Its not even that bad a job, im just so not suited for it. It is everything I suck at. I do a competant job, but i dont want to be competant. Some pretty major idiots can be competant, especially at this job. I want a job at which I can exell. and that, when and if i do exell, i can feel like I've added something usefull to my repetoir of skills.  I only found one job or particular interest, and I really dont know if i qualify. Technicaly, I should be a mental health practicioner, which means I should have 2000 hours supervised contact time with clients. I have, i think, about 1600. BUT, I have also completed the vast majority of a MA in psychology, which may substitute. I'm not sure. I'm hazy on the rules. Anyways, if i get it, id have a job i could be proud of, that would make me more employable later on, and pay MORE than im making now. Like...by several thousand bucks a year. If I can call myself a mental health practicioner, there are many such jobs of around that payscale available. With bennefits. And if i work at people incorporated, i know those bennefits can be extended to pookie. Yay for a liberal industry.

Anywas, sent in that resume last night. Today i slept in, and took lisa to the doctor. this was schedualed weeks ago, and im glad of it. I needed the extra day off. I got to watch her have 2 moles removed.  I felt vindicated that the doctor immediatly identified which moles i meant and agreed that they were creepy and should come off. It was facinating- mostly in the sheer simplicty of it. They just numbed them fast with 2 small injections, then cut them off with a little bitty scisors, then she ran a pen-like thing iver the cuts, which ...oh fuck...uhm...cotterized? cotaraized? burned the wound so it wouldnt bleed. And thats it. she stuck both moles in little jars for testing. Thats it. No stiches or grooves cut or anything. Took less time than a bellyring peircing. Then it was off to edina to meet mom and dad for lunch, then to target and bead monkey for wedding stuff and a few other neccesities. Now im home. I have a wicked headache which im blaming on the sudden weather shift. Thank god we have AC now, at least. Poor skillet is still melting.
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Jun. 19th, 2008 @ 03:01 pm I hate my stupid, broken, can't-read-numbers brain. Now everything sucks.
Yep. Sucks. You heard me. As I mentioned to nicole a few weeks ago, I'm usualy flairly blase about day to day fears...im fine with public speaking, no longer terrified of driving, and rarely worry about my grades or whether people like me. But, mess with my long term plans, and I pretty much panic. My plans have been messed with. In fact, my plans for the next year are all but destroyed. Why? Because I cant read two dates on a peice of paper. A peice of paper I looked at. Repeatedly. On seperate days.

What happened is this. I went to class 2 weeks ago. nobody showed up. I look at my printout. Oh, silly me, theres no class today! Look here, class starts on the 19th! Yeah. No. Class ends on the 19th of June. Class started last tuesay. Oh wait, theres more. I also went to class yesterday, on tuesay. Whats this? no-body home? oh right! it must start on thursay! That must be about the 19th, right? Turns out the classroom was moved after the first class, so when i went to the old room, i didnt see it.

So, whats all this mean? It means I missed 1/3 of an experience-base class I am legally require to take before i can start my practicum. And, since practicum only starts in the fall, that means I'm not taking my internship next year. An, since I have proven that when working 38 hours a week I completly dick over my GPA, and become extreemly likely to make all the stupid mistakes im so naturaly prone to, I'm withdrawing from school for a year.  It also means I forfeight my spot at Boys Totem Town, and I dont know how likely theill be to take me back the next year.  so, next year I get to start the proccess all damn over again.

God, I just dont know if i can take another year at Ryder. that job is composed of everything I suck at. I miss feeling competant. I dont care how well it pays.  I don't even like money all that much, an its not like im going to be buying a house next year now. I'm just going to take all the money i have saved for next year, stuff it in a CD, and not worry about it. Saving money is soo not a good enough reason for me to feel like next year is worth anything. At least, after the wedding.

Thats the next step. When I didnt get into any programs in Japan i asked myself, "how can I make this year with something to me?". Tricounty was the answer. Now I need a new answer, which wont cause myself or lisa to starve. Stupid damn crappy job market.

when lisa gets home were going to go out to eat and im going to get a large, overpriced drink that tastes like fruit candy.
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Jun. 17th, 2008 @ 02:42 pm Ceremony, Ritual, and Rights of passage...all in the past month
Ahhh, I’m so behind on my blogging. A quick set of highlights from what I've been doing. Giant mega post under the cut

- Officiated and attended Bex and Corys wedding! Yay!
- Attended Abby’s fathers funeral- not yay, but it was a lovely service
- Agreed to organize next years Geek Prom for Misfits, the people who organize convergence
- Lots of other stuff I’ve already forgotten about 
 
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Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 11:56 am I can has internship plz?
 
Yaaay!
 
Super happy fun times!
 
Well, sorta anyways. Sometimes. First, but biggest breaking news- I have a practicum site! YAAAY! For a little clarity, St Thomas doesn’t set up internship sites for us, and if you don’t find one on your own, you just don’t get to have one. Which means you have to wait for the next round a full year later, and you cant graduate till it’s done. I have been accepted to work at Boys Totem Town- the boys correctional facility that I visited in January, with my class on career development. They do a lot of really impressive work- they started an anti-gang program several years ago that’s fast becoming THE new model on how to extricate kids from gangs. They also take a population with an estimated average re-offence rate of like 70 to 80% and bring it down to under 10%. That’s impressive.
 
Yes, I’m aware that me working at a correctional facility seems a bit odd. But, it is a VERY safe environment. They haven’t had any problems with security at this location. But, just in case, I get to carry a walkie-talkie. Also, I get to run a LOT of family therapy. This is one of the only locations where you know you wont need to worry about getting enough family therapy hours (I need 200). I might have to run a little bit over next September, if I cant just increase my workload in the spring, but right now im hearing a lot of my classmates bemoaning that they will probably need to stay at their practicum sites past September, and that’s including the fact that they could start counting their hours in the previous fall (for logistical reasons, my family hours wont count towards graduation till January, they’ll only count as regular hours).
 
More importantly, this site offers what one of the supervisors calls “baptism by fire”. You learn a lot, and you learn it fast. You get many chances to screw up and get corrected. You get to work with a historically difficult population, which mean when you go job-hunting later, nobody questions your stamina, confidence, or empathy. I got some of this for working in DBT, and some more for working with TriCounty. So, if I have work with Borderline Personality Disorder, Crisis Intervention, and Corrections on my resume, people will assume I’m more competent than your average 26 year old. And that’s spiffy. Also, apparently I can come out of this with listed proficiencies in corrections, conduct disorder, and family therapy, and I can even get proficiencies in testing methods there if I want to. You can be pretty damn in demand with listed proficiencies like that.
 
Also, and yes, this is unusual; I get to start off with my very own caseload of 10. 10 clients, all for me. I can run their individual and family therapy, and get major say in what kind and how much therapy they get. Also, I pretty much get to set my hour however I want cause well…the clients aren’t doing anything. Captive audience and all that. If there are enough kids there, I might be able to increase my caseload in the spring, so as to get my hours in faster. The starting caseload is only supposed to be about 20 hours a week.
 
I guess they must have really liked me, to, since they filled their 6 slots quite a while ago, and then added a 7th one for me. Also, my 2nd interview went 3 times longer than theirs scheduled for. I guess he liked my answers. I seem to have gotten the most brownie points for 1) being enthusiastic about having my work critiqued negatively and even being videotaped for such a purpose and 2) endorsing “not being scared of clients” as one of my biggest assets to the program. They called me to offer the internship within 3 hours of the second interview. I still have another interview with the Bridge for Runaway Youth on Monday, so I wont make any final decisions till then, but it’s so good to know that this is just plain taken care of.
 
Oh, and while I’m rambling about good things in my life, I got to talk to my Nero proff earlier in the week. See, he curves the grade in that class so that the highest score is an A, and so forth- but he doesn’t curve till the END of the semester. So basically, all I know about my grade is that I failed slightly worse than many of my classmates failed. I have no letter grade. So I talked to him and said I was worried about my grade. He assured me that I wasn’t failing as of now. Problem is, I don’t just need t avoid failing. I need to get above a B-. A B is fine, but technically a B- could get me booted from the program. He was much more attentive to my grade concerns when I said that, and made it clear I wasn’t worrying about my grade for the sake of academic vanity. He told me to email my advisor and be clear what exactly would be the consequence of my getting a B-, and then pretty much assured me that if a B- would get me booted, he would make sure I didn’t get one. Stupid me and my being too zoned out and pathetic to even think of asking for a medical extension last semester. Grg. I don’t know if I ever wrote about it here, but I talked to my proff, (the one who gave me a B- in marriage counseling, not the other guy who I hate), and explained what was going on the last semester, and apologized if id seemed a bit unconscious during class. She like- explained that she would have given me the extension in a heartbeat, because by my class participation she felt like I really understood the material, but my papers were always so awful she had to drop my grade. She said she even felt bad about doing it, and I belive her. Sigh. Ah well, at least she liked me, and at least she thought I was getting a lot from the material, even if I thought I was mostly missing it.
 
Wow this is getting to be a long post. The steampunk meet will have to be a separate entry. Real fast, a few other fun things- Wii night at dads with the whole family, even if I did have sore arms for 3 days after, going out for foods and girly drinks with Nicole and Abby to celebrate my internship status, and watching Lisa learn to knit. She’s like a really meticulous kitten with a ball of yarn. Actually, last Sunday was just kinda perfect in general. I woke up late, drew pictures, walked to a nice lunch with gerbil, walked to borealis yarns with Nicole and lisa (I love yarn shops. So much color and soft things), then drank some ice tea while walking home, and did some spring cleaning for several hours, till it was time for family night. Just a high quality day overall.
 
 
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Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 09:39 pm hey, hippes
Hi all. So, I've been thinking lately of makeing my life a little greener, a little more eco-freindly. I wanted to before, but frankly just couldn't afford it. right now, with the eco-craze going on, there seem to be some cheaper ways to do it. I was thinking that this: http://www.livinggreen.org/about.cfm ; might be a decent place to start. Anyone interested?
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Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 12:24 pm No, Nicole, The Kraken is NOT an acceptable baby name
         Hello all! To entertain myself when bored, usually at work, I make improbable plans for the future. Well, the wedding is mostly planned out, and looking at houses was getting depressing. So, when I forgot the supplies I needed for today’s lunchtime art project- its baby mania time! So, I made a list of my top 10 favorite baby girl names of…well of this week. List highly subject to change, although some of these have made the list for quite a while. Fell free to toss in your two cents worth, provided that you are not Nicole or Kiah, and that you are not speaking on behalf of either Nicole or Kiah. Oh yeah, and I only collect girl names, since 1) I’m only gonna have a girl and 2) all my favorite boy names have been deemed cruel and unusual.

  1. Haley (like the commet)
  2. Ginko
  3. Olivia
  4. Wren
  5. Talia
  6. Hazel
  7. Cypress
  8. Pearl (name of the only grandparent I have who I clearly remember)
  9. Sparrow (No, I don’t think I’d actually do this, its too hippy, but isn’t it cute?)
  10. August (tho Lisa hates it)
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Apr. 3rd, 2008 @ 10:41 am I have two words for you that will make everything better.... "mini" "golf"
Last Friday we were supposed to go find some random museum (MN has plenty. The model railway museum, the bell natural museum, the Swedish institute, the fireman’s museum, the museum of Russian art..ect) but they all either closed at 4, or were closed for winter still. But we (me, Nigel, Lisa, and Danielle) all wanted to go out and do something we don’t do every week. Nobody remembers how it happened, but somehow we decided to go to Grand Slam- they have minigolf and an arcade and bumpercars and lazertag and a batting cage. Abby ended up coming along as well, at the last minute, cause we were already at her house dropping off Nicole, who was too sleepy to come. 
 
Then we got there. We weren’t the oldest people there- but it seemed highly likely that we were the oldest ones there who weren’t there to supervise their children or grandchildren. But that’s ok because of course we were only there for the humor of irony. Yep. Purely ironic fun. I certainly don’t have a deep and abiding love of bumpercars. Lisa defiantly isn’t obsessed with lasertag and clearly Lindsay isn’t a skiball addict. All irony. At one point we considered pretending that I’d lost my daughter “Sarah”, just purely to stir up some chaos and to give an apparent justification to my presence, but then shiny things distracted me. Highlights for the evening include everyone ganging up on Nigel in bumpercars, not being the worst person on my lasertag team, not being the worst person on “team marital bliss” for minigolf (I got a hole in one! Yay!), watching Abby sink her minigolf ball into the “water”, and winning an arcade game that gave me 250 tickets, so I could buy candy and a hacky sac and lots of cutesy erasers. Lindsay got tanks, army men, and dinosaurs. See? It’s all ironic. 

We stayed till midnight, then went to Perkins for food and pie, though I don’t much remember that part. I think I got hit in the head to many times in the batting cages. Anyways, I learned something- no matter if you are far too old for an activity, if you look like your supposed to be there the kids don’t much question your presence. We hardly even got any funny looks! Also, I still rock at games of timing :) I am bitter that they wouldn’t let me into the under 12 area. They have ball cannons!! And one f the coolest looking sculpted junglegym things I’ve ever seen! Very….Greco-roman. All and all, an excellent night.
 
That was Friday. I don’t much remember Saturday, but Sunday! Sunday was lisas surprise 26th birthday party (btw, I have no pics of this- please send if you have any). Her mom got her out to her house since her grandparents were in town, then distracted her till 6 for me. We all gathered in the party room at my dads condo building. I was asked repeatedly how I would lure Lisa to the party room when usually we met at my dads condo at 6 every week to watch Law & Order. Surely she would suspect? No no no…she never suspects. Did it like 4 years in a row, and she never saw it coming, and it’s been several years since then. She’s so cute when she’s startled and confused!!
 
Just like every other year, she had to ask “what going on??” several times before it sunk in. Despite presents and party plates and a big “happy birthday” banner. The one picture I saw that someone got of her shows the usual expression someplace between scared and amused that she gets every time, up until it registers what’s going on. Big thank you to all our fabulous guests! There were more people than I was expecting, but we didn’t run out of food or space and everybody mingled so well :D Even Cori participated! That may have been one of the biggest games of Apples to Apples I’ve ever seen, which really settled it- We are totally having that at the wedding reception. We may need more than one deck.
 

Once she got settled, she was defiantly pleased. Myself and all the parents got her a surger (im probably spelling that wrong….its used for sewing and it’s a big machine thingy), which she’s wanted for….going on 3 or 4 years now. Lindsay and Elliot got her a pirate puppet. There was pirate themed paper plates and wrapping paper. We partied for about 3 or 4 hours, then folks went home to bed for work the next day. Which was good cause I needed to do the same but I didn’t want to be a party pooper. Again, thanks to the awesome guests :)

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Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 10:17 am one last super pointless thing before I buckle back down to work

When i get done with my work today, I get to go home


See, I told you it would be pointless
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Mar. 17th, 2008 @ 01:15 pm a rant on how im sick of being financialy responsable- Alternate title, "Wah"
 So (and I realize that my sympathy for this is likely to run a bit thin) I realized this morning that between the government economy stimulating check, my tax return, the money back on rent for referring renters, and my rent rebate, I will get something approaching, but probably not quite at, $2000. Doesn’t that sound great? It sure does. So, what awesome, funtastic thing am I doing with all of it? Nothing. Not even touching it. I’m not buying one single thing that I wasn’t going to get even without that money. It all just goes into savings for me to live off of during practicum. I wont even get to have fun and live the high life a little bit, because I know I’ll need it later.
 
Yeah, a bit more financial security is a great thing to have. Yes, realistically, I’m thankful for it. I can live off of that for almost 2 months if I have to.
 
But what do I WANT to do with it? This might actually surprise a bunch of you, but for years I’ve lusted after mopeds. Yes mopeds. Not even motorcycles. Their eco friendly, and budget friendly at 90 mpg. They are perfect for getting to 80% of the places I need to go, since 80% of those are just around st paul and Roseville. And they are adorable. Their easy to get parking spots for. They come in convenient 2-seaters, and many have a holding area that’s about the size of most of my shopping excursion finds. Lisa likes them to. Their faster than bikes and less work, so I’d actually use them. I love my car and all, but I hate having to burn fuel for a whole car to run down to target. Most of the time I just don’t have the time to walk there. On top of that, a used one, even with a warranty, starts at $700. The one I love the most so far is $1200. They are such a tempting, tempting blend of “because I want one” and “because their usefull”.

While I'm listing things I've used to try to convince myself to do this, how about "Its my Patriotic duty! It reduces dependancy on forign oil and stimulates the economy!"
 
I could do it. I really could. I was never counting on all this magic money when I made my budget for next year.  But it wouldn’t be responsible. I don’t NEED one, usefull as it would be, I just WANT one. I’ve never really been in a position where this was a remote possibility before.  Still. How annoying. And despite its perfect blend of responsibility and luxury, its not like its something I could register for for the wedding. Unless one of you wins the lottery. Then I will be expecting an adorable teal or yellow moped with matching helmets from you. Classic European styling please.
 
Boo. I’m gonna go wear my fish hat and draw with crayons for a while out of irresponsible spite now.
 
Oh, or I’m going to go do a few more hours of data entry.
 
Stupid temptations. 
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Feb. 24th, 2008 @ 09:43 pm a pollitical coup in the wake of an eclipse
uckA couple of nights ago, i got to see my first total eclipse :) It was lunar, not solar, but still very cool. I probabaly couldnt have watched a solar eclipse anyways, since i likely would have been at work during it. I am still mad that they kept us all inside and shut the blinds during the eclipse when i was in 4th grade. And they insisted on telling us about it. We had a whole lesson on solar eclipses and why they happend and how one was coming, then they deiced we'd all burn out our retinas staring at it and wouldnt even let us look outside. Like we all didnt go out later that day and just stare at the sun to try and see if there was anything going on.
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Feb. 17th, 2008 @ 11:23 am Worst Valentines Ever
:( :( :( :( :(


This sucks. See, this is (partly) why I resisted having a planner for so long. Once you write something in it, you tend not to go back and recheck that that information is correct- after all, you check in your planner, right? If you were going to check elsewhere there would be no point t the day planner. So, when you write something incorrectly in the planner, your pretty much hosed unless something just happens to correct you. Well, nothing corrected me.

Lisa and I missed our loli tea, because I had it writen down in my planner for today, and it was actualy yesterday. I spent all week making my outfit, i made a small mountain of baked goods for the "handmade gift swap", and was looking forward to it all week. Not only that, but since it was a reserved tea at a nice teahouse, a bunch of total strangers wound up having to pay lisa and my parts, so they are now, understandably, mad at me.  I'll be paying them back next month at the next meetup, but that was my valentines budget. I may not even realy get to attend the meetup, since i only have 1 outfit, which is too warm to wear to the conservatory. I'll have to just show up, pay, an go. Looks like its going to be a long time before I get any use out of the outfit i slaved over all week. The outfit i skipped real valentines day to complete.

And now thats the first impresion of me I've given to this group, which sucks. I wish I could just do loli stuff with friends I already have, who I know are understanding, and who will call me when I'm not at something, and who I dont need to worry about making a good first impression with.

So yeah. I'm pretty down today. I was realy, realy realy looking forward to this. Ive been wanting to go to something like this for years. :(
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Feb. 17th, 2008 @ 12:49 am pollitics
wow, I can actualy stand to sit and watch both of the democratic canidates for extended periods of time. Its rare that I can stand listening to any politician that long. I just caught both hillaray and obama in wisconsin. I can see why people accuse obama of being not much past a good speechmaker- he has a lot of fluff in his talk. And hes a bit transparent- I mean, he invoked Dr King and Lincon within the 1st 5 minutes of his speech. But, if you listen very carefuly, he does spell out clearly what he supports, and what his experience is. Hillarys fluff is more subtle, and unfortunatly, a little more obstructing of her views. Well, I'll be relativly content to vote for either of them, not that ive had at least once chance to vote for Obama.

Now, spiderman is on :)
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Feb. 13th, 2008 @ 04:54 pm just about the dumbest thing a person can worry about, and yet....
Super nerdery alert. This post is only going to be of interest to you (and in fact, may only be understandable to you) if you are a major nerd. 

I have often given nicole crap for her cosplay anxiety. She worries about whether someone at the same con will wear the same charicter better. She worries if she looks sufficiently like the charicter to begin with, and is utterly devoted to detail (nicole, if you dont like my outing you as a cosplay worrywart, ill cut this part). Like I said, i gave her greif for this. Exept...

Exept before, by costumes were always sorta vauge concepts, or something peiced together from "cool stuff" i owned. I wasnt trying to acheive any particular look, or convey any particular message. I was just dresseing up cause, well...i like dressing up and wearing weird and impractical things. Now I have a loli tea to go to, and suddenly im beset with completly illogical and useless worries. And a serious, major competative streak. Hows this for crazy- I'm wearing coordinating outfits with lisa. I made her outfit myself, designed it specificaly to be as cute as possible and show her off. I generaly like to show her off. But now....I worry that I will be less cute, and look like her accesory. I worry that there will be another kodona/dandy there thats better dressed/cuter than me/fits the asthetic better. I had to do a dandy outfit becuase whenever i thought of doing something with a skirt i felt even MORE competative, and certain that I would loose as compared to lisa. Wow. Thats one package of girl crazy there. I never worried about another girl wearing my prom dress. I'm not generaly competative about, or especialy self concious about, my appearance. And of all the useless venues to worry about it- a loli tea? Am I even serious? They are the epitomy of frivolety, and i dont eve know anyone else there, much less have a vested interest in their opinion about my appearance. 

What soothed me a bit was that in talking to nicole and abby about this, i guess its common. Appearantly my costumes have inspired feelings of inadequacy in others? I want to tell them that thats stupid, that they shouldnt worry about that kind of thing. But, given this, i cant realy. 

Anyways, I am doing my best to ignore this stroke of girl crazy, and enjoy my event. After all, im going to be wearing a black poet shirt. No angsting is allowed while wearing a black poet shirt. That is way over the line.  No. I will just enjoy my scone, and frivollity.
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